This is the side effects talking...

A pigeon cooing happily on my window :-) Yes, my window is almost horizontal, so it was literally on it.

So, I'm on new med now. My doc warned me, but I thought I'm immune to side effects since I've never had those stupid things. Man I was so naive...

I often have the mixed feeling of excitement and unsettling during the day, along with these effing mood swings. It's hard to explain these feelings (is it love?), like I want to get up and do something right away, but in the meantime I just wanna lie down and have some rest, while my body's burning with I-don't-know-what-it-is, but well, literally burning. I feel hot. There even was this one time when I was holding a piece of bread and it was shaking, weird right?

If I have to describe it in on sentence, I just wanna shout out loud "Make it go away!" like that kid after going to the dentist. But it's not going away.

But I guess it helps. I feel happy and energetic sometimes. But of course there's still the mood swings. They're the worse. One minute I was happy feeling the summer breeze on my skin, one sec later I saw two black piles on the parking ground and two people watching them. As I approached I realized those were two pigeons. One was lying there, still, with its head cocked to the side and a sight of opened red flesh. DEAD! The other one was walking around it. It just kept walking and walking around that motionless friend... and then it lay down right next to the unlucky bird. Startled by my movement, it got up and walked away and few steps, but then returned back to its friend and stand still. Those hollow looking for a little eyes stared at nothing, just like that for a long time.  I left 'cause I don't know what to do for them and partly because I can't stand the scene, but I felt a deep sorrow inside. Questions were spinning in my head. How long will that poor little bird be standing there? Can it cry? Can it scream? Could anything make it feel better? What will it do when someone come and take the body away? I can't fathom why in the tiny bean sized head of that little avian being could there be something so great. But what will it do now that its partner for life is gone?

Forever alone...

What is the meaning of life?

That night, curling in my bed, I felt something I haven't felt for such a long time: a drop of salted water and the sound of my voice.